


Rose Apothecary's Back Room

by TobytheWise



Category: Schitt's Creek, Supernatural
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, M/M, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-29 00:46:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19819069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TobytheWise/pseuds/TobytheWise
Summary: Team Free Will rolls into the small town of Schitt's Creek, hoping to replenish some of their supplies at a little shop that happens to have the hunter's symbol in their window. Only, when they walk inside, the owner, David, has NO clue what the hell they're talking about.Patrick's got some explaining to do...





	Rose Apothecary's Back Room

**Author's Note:**

  * For [foxymoley](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxymoley/gifts).



> This is written for Foxy! Happy birthday you wonderful person you. I love you SO fucking much and idk what the hell I'd do without you in my life <3  
> Thanks for getting me into Schitt's Creek. I love all of them so much and I hope you enjoy this ridiculous crossover!  
> Special thanks to BuckytheDuck and Noxlee for beta reading for me!

**David**

David thanks Twyla for his coffee before making his way out the front door. He crosses the street towards Rose Apothecary. A small smile tugs at his lips as he sees his shop, pride radiating through his chest. As he walks, he notices a large black car parked across from his store. The thing is huge, practically a boat on wheels. But he has to admit it does have a certain sexy aesthetic to it. 

With a shrug, David opens Rose Apothecary. He’s not even behind the counter before the door opens again behind him, Alexis walking in as she takes her ear buds out, panting from her morning run. 

“Ewwww,” David cries as she walks over to him and wipes her sweaty forehead on his sweater. “Don’t get your nasty juices all over me.”

Alexis laughs before lifting herself onto the counter, swinging her legs, her heels hitting the counter back and forth, back and forth. David groans, waving his hands at his sister. She just shrugs, her eyes down at her phone. 

“You’re the worst. You know that?”

“Love you too, David!”

He steps behind the counter, tossing his bag on the ground. He leans his arms against the counter, sipping his coffee. He should probably restock the face cream or see if there’s any dusting to do but that can wait until after his coffee. 

“Why are you even here?” he asks instead. 

“Can’t I just want to stop by and see my favorite big brother?”

David hums before taking another sip of his coffee. “Actually no. You can’t. Because you  _ don’t _ . So why don’t you just spit out your actual reason?”

Alexis groans dramatically before hopping off the counter. “Fine,” she says with a sigh. “I was jogging by when I saw that sexy car parked across from here. They were looking over here and pointing so I thought I’d stop in. They were all really hot from what I could see!” 

David rolls his eyes. “Prowling? You’re trying to hook up with some rando while in my highly respected store?” David places his hands against his chest over his heart. 

“Oh stop. If you weren’t so helplessly in love with Patrick you’d be checking them out too!”

Before David can respond, the front door opens and three men walk in. David hates to admit it but his sister was absolutely correct in her assumptions. They  _ are  _ hot!

“Hello,” the first one says, his bright blue eyes looking from David over to Alexis. Sure his face is gorgeous with those baby blues and smile but his outfit is atrocious. He’s wearing the most dreadful suit David’s ever seen and that’s saying something since he lives in this little hill-billy town. It doesn’t fit the man  _ at all _ . And to make matters worse, he’s wearing an oversized, beige trench coat over it. What is he, some sort of gross flasher?

The next man to walk in is sporting sandy blonde hair, sexy stubble, and the greenest eyes that David’s ever seen. The eyes must work for him because the lumberjack chic certainly is  _ not _ . Although the ripped jeans he’s wearing shows off the bow of his legs which David decides he’s a fan of. 

Last to enter is a giant. Literally. The man is so fucking tall! And he’s dressed in the ugliest orange button up that makes David cringe. The guy runs his fingers through the long mane of hair attached to his head, pushing it behind his ear. He gives them both an easy smile and an awkward wave. 

“Mmm,” Alexis hums, putting on her best smile. “Hello!” 

David rolls his eyes, turning away from the men to stare at his sister. She shrugs before shoving his shoulder. “Is there something I can help you with?” he asks the strangely attractive lumberjack men. 

“As a matter of fact, there is,” the shorter lumberjack says, stepping up to the counter. The tall lumberjack starts walking through the store, looking at random hair products.

“I can help you find the best for your hair type?” Alexis offers, putting her arm through the guy’s arm, walking towards the back of the store. 

David turns back to the fanfiction-eyed man at his counter, waiting for him to elaborate. “Well,” the guy says, leaning against the counter and getting close to David. His voice lowers a bit as he talks. “I was wondering if I could have a look at the goods in the back. If you know what I mean.”

David stares at the man, waiting to see if he’s joking or not. The man looks serious though, raising a brow at David. What the fuck? David crosses his arms over his chest, the fuzzy black and white striped sweater he decided to wear a soothing softness under his fingers. 

“You’re joking.”

“Serious as a heart attack, man. We just finished a crazy hunt like you wouldn’t believe and need to restock. We were just driving through town when we saw your shop.”

“A hunt?” David blurts out. “You’re not gonna be able to restock your hunting supplies here. We don’t have ammo or camo or stuff like that.”

“Ha. Ha.” the guy says with an easy smile. He leans even further over the counter. “We’re the Winchesters.”

“Is that supposed to  _ mean _ something to me?” David demands, frustration lacing his voice. It’s like the guy is speaking in codes or something and David doesn’t have the translation. He’s missing a piece of this weird puzzle. 

The guy’s eyes widen for a moment before he straightens. He turns back to their front windows before looking back at David. The flasher touches the lumberjack’s shoulder, whispering, “Dean, are you sure this is the type of place we should be shopping at?”

“I’m sure, Cas.” He points at the front window. “That’s a hunter’s symbol. It means they know about the supernatural and are a friendly hunter spot.”

“Supernatural? What the hell are you talking about?”

The tall guy walks over to the counter, sheepishly putting a few bottles down. 

Green eyes stare up at the tall guy before murmuring, “really, Sammy?”

Before David can scold him for judging someone for healthy hair products, the front door opens and Patrick steps in. Only to immediately freeze, his eyes widening as he takes in the three men in their shop. 

“No, no, no, no,” he murmurs, his hands coming up. “You three can _ not _ be here!”

The trench coat guy tilts his head, reminding David of an exotic bird. Kinda. 

“We just need some simple supplies and we’ll be on our way, buddy.”

Patrick points at the green-eyed guy. “Not your buddy. God. This cannot be happening right now.”

“And why not?” Green eyes says back, puffing out his chest. 

“Because,” Patrick says, finally making his way behind the counter to stand next to David. He hides behind his palms for a moment before murmuring, “this is not how I wanted my boyfriend to find out about this shit.”

“I’m sorry,” David says, butting his way into this frankly frightening conversation. “What the  _ fuck _ are you all talking about?”

“Oh no,” the tall one says, his eyes widening in shock as he looks at David. “Dean. He doesn't know about the life.”

Dean sucks in a sharp breath before looking over at Patrick. “He doesn’t,” Patrick says with a groan. “He doesn’t know about hunters and monsters. So thanks for forcing my hand into this conversation guys.”

“Monsters?” Alexis asks, her voice higher than normal which is quite frankly really annoying. Especially when David currently has a really high pitched ringing in his ears at the moment. 

“Shit. We just wanted to restock on some salt and silver bullets,” Dean says.

“Come on,” Patrick says, gesturing for these  _ Winchesters _ to follow. “They’re in the back.”

“Ha,” Dean says. “Told ya the good stuff’s in the back.”

**Dean**

Dean steps through the back door, and raises his brow when all he finds is a dusty back room where they keep their extra supplies. 

“What’s going on, Patrick?” the guy in the fuzzy black and white sweater asks. 

Patrick steps up to an empty wall, giving his boyfriend an apologetic look as he pushes a hidden button, the wall sliding away to show a hidden room. 

The boyfriend freezes as he stares at the new room. He raises his hands before flailing them around, gesturing in circles at the hidden room. “Okay. What the  _ fuck _ is this?”

“David. Calm down,” Patrick says, stepping up to David. 

“Holy shit!” the chick yells as she forces her way into the backroom. “Holy fucking shit. Patrick! You’re into some demonic shit!”

“Both of you, calm down. Let me explain!”

They both freeze, looking over at Patrick. “These are the Winchesters.”

“You said that already.  _ They _ said that already!” David said, his voice going higher, panic clearly overriding everything else. 

“They’re hunters. They hunt monsters. Vampires, werewolves, demons. They’re all real.”

David and the chick turn their eyes over to them and Dean puffs out his chest a bit self consciously.

“We’re obviously being punked.” The chick looks around, her eyes darting to the corners of the room. “There must be hidden cameras or something. Oh my god, you could have warned me so I didn’t come here right after my jog! I’m so sweaty!”

David stares at his sister for a moment before he looks over at Patrick. “This isn’t a joke, is it?”

Patrick shakes his head. “Nope. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“Alexis?” David asks, grabbing his sister by the hand. 

“David?”

“This is real. Monsters are real. These men are monster killers.”

They grip each other’s arms before closing their eyes and screaming. Dean takes a step back, staring at them with wide eyes as they scream in each other’s faces for a full minute. When they’re done, they take a step back from each other, nodding their heads. 

“Alright. So what’s all this,” David asks, waving his hand at the hidden room. 

“Hunting supplies.”

“Wait a minute,” Dean says, stepping up to the hidden room, noticing how one wall is a built-in cooler with glass windows. “If this is all hunter supplies, why do you have blood and cow hearts in here?”

Patrick’s face turns cold. “Hunters aren’t the only ones who need supplies.”

“You selling to monsters?”

Patrick lifts his chin in defiance. “This town is crawling in monsters.  _ Friendly _ monsters.”

“You sure about that?”

“How about you?” Patrick asks, his eyes looking over Dean’s shoulder at Cas. 

“What about him? He’s with us,” Dean says in defense. 

“Exactly. He’s not human yet he gets a pass because he’s with you. Well this town is with me.”

Dean shrugs before he feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks over at Sammy who gives him a look that says shut your cake hole. “Fine,” Dean says with a roll of his eyes. “But if anything goes bump in the night, you know who to call.”

“Yeah,” Patrick says with a snort. “Ronnie.”

Patrick walks into the hidden room, David right behind him. “So who’s all this for?” David asks, his eyes darting all over. 

“Some of these things are just ancient things I come into contact with and decide to keep. Some are cursed items that needed to be sealed in special boxes. Then there’s all the hunting supplies like dead man’s blood, silver bullets, salt.”

“It’s a nice setup,” Sammy says. 

“Thanks,” Patrick says, giving Sam an easy smile. “The purpose of the store is an upscale consignment store. We sell local products to people. This side of things is the same. I get the hearts and blood from the butcher and sell it to those who need it.”

“Wow,” Sam says, awe clear in his voice. “That’s a really awesome idea. What sort of Supernaturals live here?”

“Yeah, Patrick,” David butts in, his arms crossed over his chest, his hip popped out to one side. “What sort of Supernaturals live here?”

“Well,” Patrick starts, worry evident on his face. “We have a werewolf.”

“A  _ werewolf _ ?” David almost screams. 

“Yeah. Our mayor is a werewolf.”

David looks up at the ceiling like he’s praying to God, and Dean wonders for half a second if he should let him know that’s no use. He decides the poor guy’s got enough to deal with. 

“Fine. Alright. He’s a werewolf. Whatever. Next.”

Patrick nods slowly. “An incubus,” he says quietly, flinching when Alexis makes a strangled noise. 

“Those you have to be careful about,” Dean murmurs. 

“I know. That’s why I was so freaked out when I found out David  _ dated _ him in the past.”

“Oh my  _ god! _ ” David yells, his lips curling into his mouth, his lashes fluttering rapidly. “No. Jake is an incubus?!”

“Yeah. Why do you think he left town once I let Ronnie in on who he was?”

“How the hell was I supposed to put those pieces together?” David pinches the bridge of his nose, letting out a dramatic sigh. “Okay. One more. One more Supernatural before I pass out from information overload.”

Patrick clears his throat, looking down at the ground. Sam nudges Dean, gesturing for them to give the couple a moment but there’s no way in hell Dean’s missing this drama! 

“Stevie,” Patrick says under his breath. 

“No.”

Patrick nods his head. “Yeah. She’s uh. Well.”

“Just spit it out, Patrick.”

“Demon. She’s a demon.”

“What?” David, Alexis, Sam, and Dean all yell at the same time. 

“You can’t just have a demon running around here!” Dean says just as Sam butts in. 

“You can’t trust them!”

David tries to talk at the same time as well. “I’ve had sex with an incubus  _ and _ a demon?”

Patrick raises his hands, letting everyone know to calm down. “She’s not like other demons. She’s more  _ human _ .”

“Stevie’s the most human demon you know?” David asks like it’s a giant scandal. “But I thought she was barely human before I knew she was a demon!”

“They don’t  _ feel. _ ” Dean tries to explain. 

“But Stevie does,” Patrick says. “She takes human blood so that she feels human emotions. She’s centuries old and  _ bored _ . So she hangs around Schitt’s Creek playing human.” He shrugs at the end like that should explain everything. 

“If Crowley can do it, this Stevie could do it as well,” Cas says. “As we drove through the town, I couldn’t feel any ill intent. It might be filled with Supernaturals but it’s not filled with evil.”

“Well,” Dean says with a shrug. “That’s good enough for me.”

They grab what they came here for, paying for the bullets, salt, and Sammy’s new hair products before making their way towards the door.

**Alexis**

Alexis watches the tall, beefy men leave the store before deciding to make a move. She grabs the tall one’s arm, she thinks his name is Sampson? No, Sammy. 

“Sammy,” she says, running her fingers over his forearm, looking up at him through her lashes. “If you’re ever in the area, look me up?”

He smiles at her. “Sure, Alexis. It was nice meeting you.”

“You, too,” she murmurs with a wide smile. 

She watches as the trenchcoat guy and the shorter lumberjack hold hands, and she smiles because duh, her gaydar is so on fire lately! Alexis waves at them as they drive away before walking back into the store. 

“So,” she drawls out, looking at David’s pale face then over at Patrick who’s trying to soothe her brother. “Who’s up for getting drunk and pretending none of this just happened?”

David’s hand shoots up into the air so fast, he almost smacks Patrick in the face. “Me, please!” Then he turns to Patrick, giving him a small smile. He kisses Patrick’s cheek before saying, “but only for tonight. Tomorrow you’re teaching me about the rest of our customers and the other things you do. This  _ is  _ a partnership, Mister.”

Alexis rolls her eyes even though inside she thinks they’re adorable and she can’t help but feel proud of her brother, happy that he’s found someone to love him and his many, many,  _ many  _ quirks. 

Just then, a thought hits her. “Oh my god,” she gasps out, looking at Patrick. “Is Ted Supernatural?”

Patrick gives her a pained look before saying, “well….”

Alexis groans. “Tomorrow. We’re talking about this  _ all _ tomorrow.”


End file.
